20 June 2008
Hi Everyone!
Lots of pictures this week … and a funny song at the end! Enjoy! And it’s Shelly’s birthday today! Whoohoo!
:-)> Dr Bernie
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Contributions This Week From -
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· Chas Young – I’m Still Waiting
· Scott Dismukes – Can You Appreciate This One Too?
· EMDAlan – The Maids Raise
· Chas Young – Little Johnny & the Prime Minister
· Diane Church – The Protector
· Chuck Hopf – The Frog and 3 Wishes
· Jackster – How Long Will You Live?
· Joanne Tenaglio – Just Don’t Look Naked Anymore?
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(from Chas Young – I’m Still Waiting
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I'm Still waiting....
I did what you told me ...
I sent the email to 10 people like you said ..
I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen .
To all my friends who in the last year sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF THAT SH*T WORKED!
For the rest of 2008, could you please just send money, Vodka, chocolate, movie tickets, gas cylinders or petrol vouchers instead!
THANKS
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(from Scott Dismukes – Can You Appreciate This One Too?
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I think y'all can appreciate this one...
I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt
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(from EMDAlan – The Maids Raise
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Maria, the maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that, as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'
She got a huge raise~~~
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(from Chas Young – Little Johnny & the Prime Minister
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(to all the American readers: this really works well if you substitute President Bush for the Prime Minister!)
Prime Minister John Howard was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, That would be a 'tragedy’.
“No," said Howard, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. John searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand...In a quiet voice he said: "If the aeroplane carrying you and Mrs Howard was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.
"Fantastic!" exclaimed John Howard. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a fu**ing accident either."
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(from Diane Church – The Protector
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You've got to love our older Veterans.
This man, 73, wears a protective flap over his ear while Senator Ted Kennedy, Barack O'Bama, and Hilary Clinton address the Veterans of Foreign Wars. I wish I could shake this man's hand.
I just want to know where he got it....?
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(from Chuck Hopf – The Frog and 3 Wishes
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There is a moral to this story that should be considered in all you future actions.
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with us!
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(from Jackster – How Long Will You Live?
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my age is 92
This is pretty interesting. Watch the age prediction on the top right of the screen change as you answer the various questions.
Click below: AND BE HONEST WITH YOUR ANSWERS....
http://www.nmfn.com/tnetwork/longevity_game_popup.html
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(from Joanne Tenaglio – Just Don’t Look Naked Anymore?
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Can you relate???? Maybe not…. But I sure can!!!
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Hope everybody has a great weekend!
tHE fRIDAY fUNNIES is a free, weekly distribution by a lunatic to other lunatics who submit lunacy for the other lunatics to read and enjoy to get the weekend started. No personal offense is intended to any group of humans or aliens, so please, don't be offended. Contributions (jokes, NOT money!) are actively encouraged - actually desperately needed - and should be sent directly to ME, Dr Bernie, at
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Dr. Bernie Domanski
Email: fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com
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