Hi Everyone!
On the road - San Diego to be exact - don't have my full editing facilities available, so I hope you get some big grins anyway!
Have a great weekend!
:-)> Dr Bernie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Contributions This Week From -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Syman - 2 for Today
Chuck Hopf - This Year's First Christmas Joke
EMDAlan - The history of the middle finger
Stan Kegel - Riddles
Neil Stenlake - Fun at a Party
Paul Keister - Blonde Moment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Syman - 2 for Today
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought For The Day:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
~~~~~*****~~~~~
JOKE OF THE DAY:
Two guys met in the supermarket when their carts collided... Bob
says, "I'm sorry, I was looking for my wife."
"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate," says
Joe.
"Well, maybe I could help out. What does your wife look like?" asks Bob.
Joe replies, "She's tall, with long hair, long legs and a magnificent
back side."
"What does your wife look like?"
"Never mind says Bob, "Let's look for yours!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Chuck Hopf - This Year's First Christmas Joke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may Pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man, Jack, started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
V – scroll down
V – scroll down
V – scroll down
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from EMDAlan - The history of the middle finger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know
It, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the
Hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you
Know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory
Over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured
English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw
The renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of
Fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native
English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking
The yew" (or "pluck yew").
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and
Began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated
French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather
Difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has
Gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often
Used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the
Pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic
Gesture is known as "giving the bird."
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Stan Kegel - Riddles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RIDDLES
Why was the baby strawberry upset?
His mom and dad were in a jam
What did the little boy say to the lollipop?
I can lick you any day
Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed?
Because he is lying.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
So he wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.
Why do people work as bakers?
Because they knead the dough.
What did the frog order at McDonald's?
French flies and a diet Croak
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Neil Stenlake - Fun at a Party
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man,
standing alone.
She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like
most -- cars and men.
"What's your name?" she asked.
He said, "Bob Titsenbeer" .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Paul Keister - Blonde Moment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No comments:
Post a Comment