24 July 2008
Hi Everyone!
Hope you like ‘em!
:-)> Dr Bernie
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Contributions This Week From -
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- Shirotora - Circumcision... At Your Age?
- Elyse – Sex in the Shower
- another from shirota – Oooollllld Lawyer
- cousin Gaylannie – A Bunch for the Ladies to Enjoy
- another from Elyse – Looking for Work
- Tom Sokolowski – Communicating in West Virginia
- Lonny - A Couple of Pictures
- Stan Kegel - Riddles
- Barbara Rosenberg – Computer Problems
- Chas Young – Blonde and the Heart Attack
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(from Shirotora - Circumcision... At Your Age?
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Two men are sharing a hospital room.
"What are you in for?" The first man says.
"I'm getting a circumcision," his roommate replies.
"Damn," exclaims the first man, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"
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(from Elyse – Sex in the Shower
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In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', a huge 86% of Detroit residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison .... yet....
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(another from shirotora – Oooollllld Lawyer
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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
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(from cousin Gaylannie – A Bunch for the Ladies to Enjoy
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| One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. ------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - -------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ------------------------------------- |
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(another from Elyse – Looking for Work
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A Japanese doctor said,
'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of
one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said,
'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person , put it in
another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor said,
'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart
out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for
work in two weeks.'
A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said,
'You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Texas ,
put him in the White House and now half the country is looking for
work.'
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(from Tom Sokolowski – Communicating in West Virginia
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A Ritchie County, West Virginia farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the door. A young boy about 9 years old opened the door.
'Is yer Dad home?' the farmer asked. 'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied.
'He went into town.'
'Well,' said the farmer, 'is yer Mom here?'
'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'
'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'
'He went with Mom and Dad.'
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely. 'I know where all the tools are if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.'
'Well,' said the farmer uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your Brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.'
The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that' he finally conceded. 'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard.'
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(from Lonny - A Couple of Pictures
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Golf for Beginners
How Men Screw Up Romance
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(from Stan Kegel - Riddles
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How does a werewolf brush its hairy mouth?
With a fine tooth comb.
What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?
The banana split.
What was the convenience store clerk's reaction when Satan came in and asked for a lemon lime drink?
He gave the Devil his Dew.
How did the skeleton know it was raining?
He could feel it in his bones.
If athletes get athlete's foot, What do watchmakers get?
All wound up!
Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
He was coffin
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(from Barbara Rosenberg – Computer Problems
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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the
11-year-old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and
asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was
walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T
error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Richard grinned.... Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out".
So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T ... I used to like the little
shit............
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(from Chas Young – Blonde and the Heart Attack
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Don't you just love them?
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mummy! Mummy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!'
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.
'You rotten 'Bitch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!'
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Hope everybody has a great weekend!
tHE fRIDAY fUNNIES is a free, weekly distribution by a lunatic to other lunatics who submit lunacy for the other lunatics to read and enjoy to get the weekend started. No personal offense is intended to any group of humans or aliens, so please, don't be offended. Contributions (jokes, NOT money!) are actively encouraged - actually desperately needed - and should be sent directly to ME, Dr Bernie, at
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Dr. Bernie Domanski
Email: fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com
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