Hi Everyone!
A fabulous end for the end of the year … see you in 2009! Whoohoo!
:-)> Dr Bernie
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Contributions This Week From -
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- Chuck – Merry Christmas
- SymanSays – Mom’s Night Out
- Stan Kegel – Riddles, Puns and More
- Elyse – Tragic News from Up North …
- Barry – Husband of the Year Awards
- Feedblitz – What Are You Doing Today?
- cousin toby – The Spirit of Oy!
- Chuck – Once Upon a Time
- Denny Adams – Tree
- Neil Stenlake – Carols for the Disturbed
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(from Chuck – Merry Christmas
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A very timely and very clever Christmas carol … really, it’s super terrific and worth the click!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lC9ftIE8XRQ
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(from SymanSays – Mom’s Night Out
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Mom's Night Out: -From "Clean Laffs"
Written by Jeff Mondak, jeffspoemsforkids.com
Daddy's making dinner
I've seen all that before
French flies black and burning
And meatloaf on the floor.
Daddy's making dinner
The sugar bowl just broke
Fido ate the gravy
The house was filled with smoke.
Daddy's making dinner
But I'm not one to moan
Soon he will surrender
And go pick up the phone.
Daddy's making dinner
Today's my lucky day
Dinner's in the trash can
And pizza's on the way!
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(from Stan Kegel – Riddles, Puns and More
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RIDDLES
What do you call a bird dog in December?
A point setter. (Richard Lederer)
What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the sand?
Sandy
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail
What did the sheep who witnessed the Nativity say to each other on this occasion?
“Fleece Navidad!” (Tiff Wimberly)
What disasters could happen if you dropped the Christmas turkey?
The downfall of Turkey, the breakup of China and the otherthrow of Greece
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Christmas ball ?
It was a moth ball!
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
Chick to chick
PUNS
Santa always finishs delivering all the toys to the children just in the St. Nick of Time.
When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are passing on Season?s Greetings.
When you cross Father Christmas with a detective, you get Santa Clues.
When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are passing on Season?s Greetings.
When you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper you get a ribbon hood.
GROANERS & SHAGGY PUPPY STORIES
Rudolph, a dedicated Russian communist and important rocket scientist, was about to launch a large satellite. His wife, a fellow scientist at the base, urged Rudolph to postpone the launch because, she asserted, a hard rain was about to fall. Their friendly disagreement soon escalated into a furious argument that Rudolph closed by shouting:
"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!" (Richard Lederer)
A mother was pleased with the card her son had made her for Christmas, but was puzzled as to the scraggly-looking tree from which many presents dangled, and at the very top, something that looked strangely like a bullet. She asked him if he would explain the drawing and why the tree itself was so scrawny, instead of a fat pine tree. "It's not a Christmas tree." he said. "It's a cartridge in a bare tree."
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(from Elyse – Tragic News from Up North …
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Tragic news from up north . . .WAIT UNTIL THIS HITS THE MAJOR PAPERS!
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(from Barry – Husband of the Year Awards
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The 2008 Version of
THE
Husband of the Year Awards
The honorable mention goes to The United Kingdom
...followed closely byThe United States of America
and then ................Poland
Please note, he is carrying the umbrella
which provides protection from the rain!!
but 3rd Place must go to........ Greece
it was very very close but therunner up prize was awarded to....
............. Serbia
the winner of the husband/partnerof the year ....... is .......
Ireland
Ya gotta love the Irish.
The Irish are true romantics.
Look, he's even holding her hand.
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:
Ever notice how all of women's
problems start with MEN ?
MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND .
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
His terectomy .
Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day..
Send this to all the men just to annoy them ......
Remember You Don't Stop Laughing
Because You Grow Old,
You Grow Old Because You Stop Laughing.
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(from Feedblitz – What Are You Doing Today?
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(from cousin toby – The Spirit of Oy!
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Watch Video
THE SPIRIT OF OY!
Web Video: All I Want For Christmas Is… Jews (by Hot Box Comedy)
Picture waking up on a crisp Christmas morning with the smell of hot cocoa wafting in the air and you go downstairs to find...Steven Speilberg and Elie Weisel sitting under your tree. Or, even better, Madonna!
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(Another from Chuck – Once Upon a Time
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Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said 'NO!'
The guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END
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(from Denny Adams - Tree
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Juanita Browne went to a friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top.
Juanita asked, "What's the deal, no decorations?"
Puzzled, he looked at her and said, "What do you mean? It's a cartridge in a bare tree."
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(from Neil Stenlake – Carols for the Disturbed
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CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, …
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Hope everybody has a great weekend and a great holiday season! Here’s wishing you all the best for 2009!!
tHE fRIDAY fUNNIES is a free, weekly distribution by a lunatic to other lunatics who submit lunacy for the other lunatics to read and enjoy to get the weekend started. No personal offense is intended to any group of humans or aliens, so please, don't be offended. Contributions (jokes, NOT money!) are actively encouraged - actually desperately needed - and should be sent directly to ME, Dr Bernie, at
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Dr. Bernie Domanski
Email: fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com
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